It’s called the long good bye. First they just seem forgetful, but then slowly they lose their concept of time and space and seem unable to connect with reality. Eventually, they become locked inside their bodies – unable to communicate or share a coherent thought. Slowly you lose the person you knew to Alzheimer’s Disease or dementia. It’s a long long good bye.
We first realized my mother in law was saying the long good-bye when we saw her starting to answer her junk mail, struggling to make jello, and unable to make the most basic decisions. She would drive to church on a Tuesday and sit out in the parking lot waiting for people to arrive. Once, she stopped at a stranger’s house and asked them to tell her how to get home because she had forgotten the way. It was a sad day when the doctor told her she could no longer drive.
But, when she began to wander outside in her bathrobe, knocking on neighbor’s doors at 2 AM just to chat, sending out Easter cards in July, and burning herself on the kitchen stove that we realized she could no longer live alone. Against her wishes, we packed up her home and had her come to live with us.
I am starting this blog to chronicle our experiences as we give the long good-bye. It is not only for my mother-in-law who is in the final stages of the disease, but also for my own mother in the beginning stages of dementia. My mother-in-law now lives in “Seasons” the Alzheimer unit at a local retirement home. My mom and dad just recently made the heart-wrenching decision to give up their home and come to live with us. Dad is 86 years old, and had to admit that he could no longer deal with the care giving on his own. We are glad to have them, and thankful for the time we had with Grandma Jan before she moved into “Seasons.” I hope this will not be a depressing blog, but a way to record the humorous and the melancholy, the challenges and the victories, as well as the benefits of living with someone as they travel this journey into the sunset with one long good bye.
I will be your God throughout your lifetime—
until your hair is white with age.
I made you, and I will care for you.
I will carry you along and save you. Isaiah 46:4
browjan
Browjan's Blog: The Long Good-Bye 
thank you for a caring and informative post. will be looking forward to reading more, since many of us are going through the same walk.
By: grace on April 9, 2010
at 4:40 pm
Thank you Jan … made me cry … since we just finished the race with this with my mom. She passed away the end of January. It was hard and very, very sad … but she is in Heaven with Jesus now. I cannot imagine dealing with two at once. So glad your dad made the decision to move in with you. It is so much easier having them close at hand … but nonetheless very difficult. Love you much!
Becky
By: Becky on April 9, 2010
at 6:47 pm
Thanks for sharing your heart with us. This will be hard to follow as we love your mom so much. She has become a part of our family. Praying for you all.
By: Gunnar on April 9, 2010
at 7:11 pm
Jan thanks for your willingness to do this. I’m sure it will be very hard at times. I know it will be an encouragement to me as I walk through this with my Dad. Praying for you and your family as you deal with this.
By: Julie Campbell on April 9, 2010
at 8:52 pm
Well beyond awesome you’re blogging. Even more awesome is the topic you’ve chosen. Looking forward to it.
By: Joe Jon on April 9, 2010
at 9:47 pm
Jan, this is a heart wrenching topic and even more difficult when it is about someone you love so dearly. Thank you for posting this kind of blog. i know it will bring encouragement to those who are traveling your same journey. It will be a mainstay for family members who are having to say “the long goodbye”, for it is with them that the journey is difficult — the patients with the disease don’t realize, they only love.
By: Shila on April 10, 2010
at 2:59 pm
Jan, your blog was recommended to me by Shila Spice. Thanks for writing on this topic. My father in-law has alzheimers and parkinsons disease. He is in a care facility in Texas. My grandmother lives with my husband and me. She is 100 years old, and though she does not have alzheimers, she has very little short term memory and is unable to make decisions and care for herself. Please keep writing your blog. It is very encouraging and helpful.
By: Cathy Dockal on April 10, 2010
at 4:10 pm
Thanks, my dear . . . your blog was suggested by a new acquaintance…Cheryl F. My 76-yr-old sister, in Canada, has just been diagnosed advanced dementia altho’ I knew it for many years, it just took the rest of our family all this time to “get” it and accept it. Joy is still in denial. Truly sad when last fall she had her passport picture taken, paid for it, then gave it back to the clerk saying it wasn’t hers but a picture of an old woman. He affirmed with her that it WAS her. 8(
I’m looking forward to reading of your journey through these days, months, and perhaps years to come. blessings and hugs! 😉
By: J. Debra Halsmith on June 27, 2010
at 8:04 pm